Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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