I like my sex mixed with concussions.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
