you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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