by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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