He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
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