can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Randomize
