One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
