Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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