wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
You did what with his pubic hair?
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