friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize