just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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