we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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