I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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