So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Randomize
