I think i sorta joined a cult last night
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
