Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
She even gives head with a lisp.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
and you fell through a lawn chair
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
