All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
