i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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