I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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