I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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