Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
PS: I just woke up from my shower
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
