You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
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