I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
