Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize