DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
