how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
