3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
