just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
