I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
