seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He sent me a slow motion video of him jerking off...it was so long (the video not his dick) even I felt awkward watching it alone
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
