im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Randomize
