My first STD was from a foam party
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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