if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
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