Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Randomize