I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
