lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
