Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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