his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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