I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
