It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
