Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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