If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
