New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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