Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
