I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
