The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
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