im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I just want to make out with him forever
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
