I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
