did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
