i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Randomize