bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
