I like my sex mixed with concussions.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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