I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
