If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
