After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
