this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
