New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
