Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I want her autograph on my taint
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
