you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
