I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
