Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
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