No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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