I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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