thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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