So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Randomize
