I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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