dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
