I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
