im drinking this country out of the recession.
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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