Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
