guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
