Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Randomize