I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
