Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
