OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
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