Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
