We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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