Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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