They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
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