Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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