drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
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