apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
