If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
