Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I'm so happy we share a mutual love of laughing at religion.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
