I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
