Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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