i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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