Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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