im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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