dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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