Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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