WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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