Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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