New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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