Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
