now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
