Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
