Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
