M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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