...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
it was like having sex with a tree stump
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
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