Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
