It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
