four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
