I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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