just come out here and I will go home with you...
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
