He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
