No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
