tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
vagina is talking i cant
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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