She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
