butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
We left the knife in your bed.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
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