Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
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