She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
