in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
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