I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize