on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
