So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
