I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
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