Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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