Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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